A little confession

Today has been a really really hard day for me. I had been feeling very unhappy at my current job so I started looking for another one. Well, I got it. But I didn't think about the fact that my health insurance would stop and the new one would start in two months.
That wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for the fact that last week they found a polyp in my uterus wall. Normally, this isn't a huge deal, is more a blessing that they found it even before I started trying for a baby. But for me, whose biggest desire in life is to be a mom, was devastating news- yes, I'm dramatic. Anything related to that, is a big deal. So if I can't schedule the polyp removal before the end of the months, I'm gonna have to wait for two months. (Unless I get COBRA which is $500 dollars a month-which, after lots of crying and thiking, I might do).
So anyway today was my day off and I cried and cried not knowing whether to accept the job or not. Actually I did accept and then asked about insurance... not good. Have you heard of someone with polyps? Have you ever had one? It'd be helpful if you let me know your experience. I want to have a baby so bad that just thinking about not being able to conceive makes me think of doing something crazy.

In the midst of all of this I am really trying to stay focused on God, remembering that He is in control and that every trial is designed to make me stronger. This my friend, is really hard.
But I have been thinking a lot about my true passions, one being, writing, the other one cooking. My husband has been encouraging me to go to culinary school and I am seriously considering it. he more I post my recipes the more passionate I become.

One thing I need to buy though, is a good camera. But hubby told me I should take a photography class before. Because look at the pictures I'm gonna show you, I don't know if the camera is not good or I'm horrible at it:

So yellow! I dressed like this on Sunday for church:

Dress: $12 at Ross
Belt: my mom's
Earrings: (they're pink in case you can't see it!) $5 Forever 21

Necklace: $6 Forever 21. It also has pink details.

I dressed it up with this satin-like jacket I bought at Ross for $7.99, and the shoes that were around $10-15.

See? I'm an amateur photographer, but fear not, there is a time to learn and a time to grow, and if i take this job with less hour, that time might be close!


Christina said...

I am sorry about your news, and will be praying for you. And let me just tell you, you are right God is faithful. He has not and will never leave you. He put the desire in your heart to be a mommy and it will come to pass :)
Remember seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added. Matthew 6:32
P.S. congrats on the new job!

Heather said...

Bless your heart!! I'd be dramatic too. I will be praying for you!! God has a plan and it is much greater than we could ever imagine. Keep your trust in Him and you will find strength. Chin up!! =)

Insurance is a nightmare! I had my own little pity party today thanks to the dern stuff. I hate insurance (or I should say, the lack of... =/ )

And last but not least, I have a Canon XTi DSLR camera and I absolutely love it. If a new one isn't in your budget, you may wanna check your local city on www.craigslist.org (They have awesome deals on cameras sometimes!) And I love that dress and those shoes! ;-) Rock it, girl!

Michele said...

Lots of prayers being sent your way! Sorry it took me some time to respond. We finally made it to the beach after getting lost! I am posting a book club reading list on Tuesday - but since you asked so nicely I will give my short list: Silver Sparrow, Turn of Mind, Before I Go to Sleep, Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dog, Sweet Life in Paris, Shadow Tag, 3 Stages of Amazement, and a book by Katherine Paterson but didn't bring with me to the beach. Happy Reading! xoxo michele

Lula said...

Christina: thank you for your prayers and encouraging words!

Heather: thanks for everything and the camera suggestion! I will be doing some research!

Michele: thanks! I will check those out!

Ashley: thank you! I'll have updates on my new post!

katie jean said...

Hi Lula! We just met through my blog :) Yes, I am one of those girls who had a polyp removed. I don't know your situation, but mine was easily removed. Then I went on to have 3 babies of my own. I hope this helps in some way. It was such a burden on me too! And I had to wait on God for what seemed forever. It sounds like you and your husband will come through this and you will be stronger for it.

Miki's scrapbook said...

Oh, hang in there. I'm pretty sure that kind of procedure will not affect your ability to bear children ;). I read in a later post the surgery went great, so, congrats! ;D

Can I ask you about your experience on first trying to find a job here? I've been granted my work permit, so now I'm just trying to find a job. Any tip you can give be will be great! :D Thanks a lot!!!